A Start (BBC Watson x Reader- One Shot)

You got ready for the day, smiling at the rain outside as you tugged a thick scarf around your neck and a jacket around your frame. It was the perfect day for a walk in the park near your new flat with the rain heavy enough that most people sought shelter indoors but light enough that it wouldn’t drench you, leaving the streets pleasantly empty. You grabbed your polka dotted umbrella from the stand by the door, your hand relishing the familiar smoothness of its curved handle, and then left the flat at an elated skip.

The park was exactly as you’d hoped it would be- empty save for one or two people here and there going about their business. It felt good to be out of the flat just for the sake of being out and you twirled your umbrella on your shoulder as you hummed a tune from Mary Poppins, the action reminding you of the movie. You let yourself get lost in that train of thought and next thing you knew your world went from perfect to almost nightmarish as you ran into someone- or rather someone ran into you.

You stumbled back with a rushed apology, hoping that whoever it was would just continue on their path without so much as a second glance, but it seemed luck was not destined to be on your side. The person you had run into, a sandy-haired blonde man not much taller than yourself, was looking at you with curious smile. A small swell of panic spread through your chest, making your finger tips tingle as you tried to keep calm even though you knew that he was intending to speak to you. Your efforts weren’t enough and you felt another wave of panic course through you as his lips pulled into a grin, “No apologies necessary. I wasn’t watching where I was going or I certainly would have noticed such a beautiful woman in my path.”

You let out an unnecessarily loud giggle, instinctually over compensating for your panic, and then went a dark shade of red as you avoided his gaze and uncertainly mumbled, “Thanks I guess.”

It wasn’t that you weren’t interested in the man or were overwhelmed by how adorable he was- and he was certainly adorable and very handsome by your standards- it was that you didn’t do well around people. People and social situations made you panicky and anxious in an often-painful way and, while you didn’t necessarily prefer to be alone, it kept you from moments like this one.

You could feel your blood quickening, the liquid bouncing between cold and warm to make your veins ache and your chest tight, and the plentiful supply of air you’d once had was harshly snatched from your lungs, making your breath short out of desperation. Your heart felt like it was either going to explode from the rapid pace it was beating out, the reverberations echoing through every cell of your body, or that it would suddenly stop entirely and everything would go unbearably still. So many thoughts ran through your head so quickly that it was impossible to process any one, the mass just instilling you with an over all feeling of panic and dread that you couldn’t shake.

You opened your mouth a couple of times, trying to hide your shortened breathing as you searched for something to say that wasn’t just an unintelligible noise. After a second your eyes met his, which were searching your face almost worriedly, and your face went impossibly red as you decided you needed to get out of here before you had a massive panic attack in front of this innocent stranger. You planned to say something along the lines of, ‘I have to go but it was nice meeting you,” but all that came out was a blurted, “Bye,” as you hurriedly spun on your heel and rapidly retreated back in the direction of your flat.

A very befuddled John Watson watched you go the short distance back to your flat and then quickly disappear behind the door, feeling a bit perturbed- no woman had ever physically fled from him before. He wondered what he’d done wrong and then if maybe Sherlock had been right in suggesting he give up on dating and women entirely. He was frowning to himself as he thought over not only his most recent failure with you, but all the others he’d had recently, and then noticed with a slight jolt that you’d left your umbrella on the ground where it had fallen when you’d come in contact with him. He looked at the umbrella, noting that it was well loved from the smoothness of the wooden handle, and then at the flat you’d gone into before deciding there was no harm in returning something that you would no doubt miss when you realized it was gone.

You were still just inside the door of your flat, trying to calm your heart and head all while beating yourself up for not even being able to go on a simple outing without ending up a mess, when there was a knock on the door. You eyed the slab of wood suspiciously- no one ever came to call on you… at least not without giving notice in advance as all those who knew you did. Normally, you would have just ignored the sound in the same fashion you did when your mobile rang with a number you didn’t know or someone who just wanted to talk but for some reason when the knock came again you managed to find the courage to answer it.

John had never seen anyone look so conflicted in his entire life. You initial reaction was a wide grin and he felt like maybe he’d been mistaken about having done something wrong but then your brain caught up and your face flashed panic for a moment before you ducked your head. All this happened in a few seconds and John was quiet, opting to let whatever was going on in your mind play out in hopes that you wouldn’t bolt again. It seemed to work for a bit before you shook your head and moved to shut him out. He was quick to stop you with a firm hand on the door, rapidly explaining, “Hold on a minute. I only came to return your umbrella.”

The door stopped closing and then very slowly opened again so you could look at him for a moment before finding the front step very interesting- the only way you could manage to get out, “S-Sorry. That was rude. T-Thank you for returning my umbrella.”

He handed it to you and without having to look up you could tell he was giving you a gentle smile as he offered, “It’s alright and it’s no trouble. The only reason you dropped it was because I ran into you after all.”

You just nodded, panic rising up in your chest again but much slower this time since you had the security of the door to cling to and hide behind. When you didn’t immediately shut the door in his face, he let a glimmer of hope grow in his chest and ventured, “I’m sorry if this is too forward but would you like to have coffee with me sometime?”

Your eyes snapped up to him- a stunned look on your face for a moment before you went back to a similar conflict to what he had seen from you when you’d opened the door. Your hand fidgeted anxiously with the door nob as you started, “I-I…”

You mind screamed to you to say ‘I would love to,’ but images of crowded coffee shops and people trying to talk to you made you say the exact opposite, “I-I can’t.”  

John was about to accept defeat when you hung your head in what was clearly shame and before he could stop himself a question came spilling out of his mouth, “Is that because you don’t want to or because you're busy?”

You shook you head, pushing the panic down as best you could in an attempt to save this interesting stranger from the hurt of flat out and unintended rejection, “I.. I…”

You pursed your lips, cursing yourself for what an idiot you must seem- only able to get out a single letter- and then took a deep breath before trying again at a very rapid rate, “It’s not you. I just- I’m not so good with people, you see? I know that it sounds like a lame excuse b-but I… I have- I am- I...”

Letting out a soft frustrated growl, you looked up at him both pleadingly and apologetically and quietly reiterated, “It’s just not you, o-okay?”

Most people would have been running the other way right now, not wanting to deal with someone who obviously had some issues, but John had issues of his own. He knew what it felt like. Everyone needs someone to take an interest even when it isn’t convenient or easy- Sherlock had done that for him, and to some extent he for Sherlock, and now he wanted to do it for you. You moved to shut the door again, hitting the limit of what you could take without succumbing to the anxiety, and again he stopped you, quickly offering, “What if it was just me? If I brought you coffee here? We could drink it on the step if you don’t want to let me in.”

You froze, this was a first- men usually deemed you unworthy of the effort after one or two unsuccessful attempts of trying to strike up a conversation and here this man was almost begging you to have coffee with him. John waited patiently for you to reply and you finally offered him a weak smile, the best you could manage at the moment, and nodded, “I’d l-like that.”

He grinned triumphantly, “How about tomorrow at three? I’m John Watson by the way.”

You took a moment to think it over and then nodded, holding out a hand which he took as you offered, “(F/n) (L/n). Three is good.”

His grin grew, his blue eyes lighting up happily, “See you then, (F/n).”

You were glad you couldn’t help the smile that pulled at your lips, thanking your body for doing something correct for once, and then softly offered, “Till then, J-John.”

In that moment, that brief instantaneous moment, there wasn’t any panic or anxiety coursing through you, you simply felt happy. Someone wanted you despite everything you were and weren’t and that was enough to put you at ease if only for a moment- a small blissful moment. Shutting the door on your new acquaintance, you hoped that maybe there would be more to come.